I will think twice before insulting my spouse

I told Jason what I wrote about him being a pansy and that I felt bad about saying it, and he said it wasn't a big deal. However, I have guilt. So to purge that feeling, I will tell you five things that I love about him and his very manly ways.
1. The man can finish concrete. If you have never seen this done by a professional, it takes a lot of strength and let me tell you...never mind, I'll tell him. Let me just say its a pretty sexy feat.
2. He is not afraid of heights. Is that not a big deal? I don't know; nearly every night I have a nightmare involving heights and they scare the crap outta me--please don't analyze my dreams, no Daniel wannabes opinion on why I fear heights.
3. He is best daddy to our children. Enough said.
4. He has no personal hobbies or plans--everything in his life includes his family.
5. He puts up with me, and furthermore, he loves me. You know me, that says it all.

I love you Jason.

72-hour kit, anyone?

My husband is a pansy. For the reader's sake-hi honey-- I will clarify. He is a great provider and father, but he is a scared of nearly everything. If there is a noise outside, he checks on it while toting my shotgun. He will hardly go out to the truck to get things after dark, and if he has to he always asks me to go do it, if not then will I go with him, and then if not will I at least stand by the door and watch to make sure he is safe. Well his newest fear is the severe weather and the possibility it presents of tornadoes. Because this is his first season of actually living here nearly full time in three years, he is not taking it well. Twice we have had to flee our home because he deemed it unsafe. This hysteria, yes hysteria, has frightened my children to their core. I now pray with them several times a day that tornadoes won't get us, that storms will pass, that Heavenly Father won't let anything get us. If there are even dark clouds in the sky, I have to wipe the tears from Reno's face and promise him safety--is there such a thing anyway? Well I harbor a bit of resentment for his panic-induced introduction of this tangible fear of nature to my children. I really enjoy storms, but now brace myself for a night of terror each time I feel the wind change. I assure you not one single word in here is dramatized. I cannot wait until we have our tornado shelter installed, which should be in a few weeks. It will give them all a sense of security that for the kids has not come through prayer as easily as it has for Jason. When it is ready, I will move Jason and the kids down into it, and will watch each storm roll through in peace. Until then, I will continue to comfort those who stand in need of comfort.

Still, just the mama

My inlaws have returned home after a week of visiting. For me this means a return to being needed and wanted, as when the grandparents are around I am for the most part invisible. It has been a little vacation within my own home, however I stil had to cook, clean, and all that...so it was actually not that great at all. But it was nice to see them and they helped with all the home repairs and painting, and they bought us a trampoline. So I will face my return to motherhood boldly, a return to the love and tenderness that accompanies these sacred duties. Especially since the kids are spending most of the time outside on the new trampoline, and I am inside cooking and cleaning and all that.

I am a girl

I guess I do like pink. This admission is one that really kinda shakes me. I have this image of me that is all tomboy and no frills (as I type this I am wearing a shirt that says princess across the front…perhaps my self-delusional is deeper than even I expected). But t-shirt aside, I let Eff pick out the paint colors of her room—pink with pink and pink she said—and we settled on pink with purple and yellow. But now that its up on the wall, I really like it. This perhaps tells me that I have softened too much, now that I have two girls, one starting ballet very soon. But for that girlie-girl trapped inside me, the bedroom rocks. And the real me, I will just pretend its too much, while secretly admiring it.

Nothing to do?

I waste a lot of time. Perhaps even this, in and of itself, is a waste of time. My husband thinks I am working on a RS Newsletter, but I gave it up. It was a waste of time because it is the middle of the month. I had no idea. My credit card bills had a suspicion, but they neglected to speak up. Does a $40 late fee for forgetting to pay them mean that I not only waste my time, but my husband's as well since his time actually is money? Perhaps, and that is another thing we will keep to ourselves. But to get back to that waste of time thing I started with, I would rather make a list of what to clean and organize that to actually do these tasks. I am discovered. Good bye.

A beginner's warning

I will start a blog. I have so much to say and no audience--which is fine. I am happy just to put it out there. Its interesting that a journal and husband can leave me wanting for a further outlet for my musings, but that is just the way it is when you are knee deep in motherhood and self-discovery. And on this blog I make no promises about being concise, spelling words right, or even being coherent. This is my own. That is just about right.