All I need to know I learned in Primary

Just thought I would share an epiphany, that actually could be a Primary song hiding somewhere in the recesses of my mind: Kindness begins with me.
If I am kind to my children, they will be kind to each other and more importantly to me :).
Yes, I get that you already knew this, but I saw it in action today and I am hooked. Its gonna be different around here, I can promise you that.

Let us dispense with this useless endeavor

I hear Effie's cries from her bedroom. I do not check. Its quiet time. She wasn't obeying...I don't care why she is hurt. Okay. Perhaps this is a bit too natural woman of me, but am I the only one who has no tolerance for shenanigans gone wrong during periods of disobedience? Her cries are now intermittent, still a plea for me to check on her so that she can gain sympathy where none exists. Feeling a bit softer, I will go.

I enter. She sees me, begins to sob, "I hurt myself." "I can see that you did" and I help her climb up into bed; I assume she slipped since I did not ask. She shows me her leg, which I kiss, though see no evidence of injury. I ask her to rest until its time to take Ava to ballet. All is well. All is quiet. For now.

I hear her wind chimes. She bought them at the Maritime Museum in San Diego this summer as a Father's Day present for Jason. Then insisted they hang in her room, next to her top-bunk bed. Perhaps we will have no quiet time after all. Again.

I insist upon this ritual- one hour of quiet time every day. My anger grows as I seek to enforce my will upon them. It would be easier to let them watch a movie every afternoon; more would actually fall asleep, more would be quiet. Why do I bother? Upon examination I am not sure. Will reevaluate and determine why I feel I need this time away from them, besides the fact that I feel I need some time away from them.

The quiet time cd just ended. It is actually quiet; two out of four asleep. Unfortunately, quiet time is over and I need to get everyone ready for a trip to town and for Ava to go to ballet. Like I said, perhaps time to reevaluate and redirect my efforts.

I can't help thinkin this is how it ought to be

Effie informed me a few days ago that she is still Taylor Swift. I asked her why she told she wasn't and in a round about way she told me that she needed exactly two days of not being TaylorSwift so that she could continue being TaylorSwift. This is the same logic she was using when a minute ago I told her that she is cute and she told me no she isn't, she is a human. She then recognized that one could be both, however she is not. That's a four year old for you. Sorry for the false alarm.

The reason for the teardrops on my guitar

Effie announced yesterday that she is "not Taylor Swift anymore." Without rhyme or reason. I am quite at a loss as to where this will take us. Some background for those who aren't in the know, she loves TaylorSwift, wears her hair like TaylorSwift, dresses like TaylorSwift (the repetitive nature of the name is taken from real life), sings all of TaylorSwift's song, preforms concerts as TaylorSwift, has been to a TaylorSwift concert with her daddy (hurray for scalpers), and actually looks like TaylorSwift. And note the one word-TaylorSwift- this is how Effie says it every time, usually accompanied with a twang, a shake of the hair (learned at the concert, where Effie discovered that "TaylorSwift is in this world!!!" ), and a twist of the bottom. Very sassy indeed.

She has been a little tired lately, which might explain this sudden disinterest. However, if this is a real break-up, I am a bit staggered by the blow. I wait to see where we will be lead by this little girl in search of something new. Jason and I will miss our TaylorSwift, and he will miss Taylor Swift I am sure, as his devotion was comparable to Effie's. It started with "Our Song" has ended with "You Belong With Me" and has encompassed every song in between-thanks Miss Swift, for a few great years and wonderful memories. I really thought it would last.

And when you find everything you looked for

I hope your life leads you back to my door

Oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful

T.S.

I can't change who I am-but should we discuss it?

I am somewhat reticent concerning my familial matters when it comes to those outside the trust tree, as it were. So I am therefore hesitant to attend my ten year reunion which is taking place homecoming weekend. I live in the same town with many friends from HS, and abstain from furthering relationships with these individuals, as the differences in our lifestyles have become so great. It was the fourth child. Then the homeschool. No one can relate in that set. The nodding of the head when I answer 'Are you finished having children?' with 'No, not at all' coupled with the glazed look, then disgust when I follow up with 'No he isn't in kindergarten, he's homeschooled.' can be too much at times. And going, I feel would be subjecting myself to this deluge without a friendly or sympathetic face in sight. Unless Jason goes too, but really what fun would he have? We are talking small town kids here and these people are only biding their time until its late enough to get plastered-God love em. I sound a bit negative, however I will say that individually I love, or at least really like, these HS friends, and can dialogue about my life easily one on one. I just think I would freeze or worse-if my lifestyle became in any way a focus for discussion. I wonder if gay people have an easier time coming out. That is what I will be doing, if I go. I will come out as a mother of a large family, homeschooler, and Mormon to boot-they all know that but the reminder will add to my kookiness I'm sure. So I guess what I am saying, is that I am not sure I am ready to come out. But then again I am not ashamed. So where does that leave me. Comments appreciated.

This month is such a special one, its...time to learn how to program Jason's phone

My husband has a Blackberry. Purchased because for his line of work, you just cannot carry around a planner- job sites and what-not. It was a necessity. He would have his schedule, phone, Internet---all right there. Had to have it. So now this is a man who has projects scheduled weeks in advance-he's the annoying guy that calls to remind you a few days before, and then again when he is on the way to make sure its all going according to the plans. This is the man who forgot my birthday. He got a phone call from his mother-I will let you read between the lines and try not to go off on the fact that for her to let her son fail is beyond her capacity and as you can see I have some really deep issues about the whole thing-see I said I wouldn't digress so back on task---reminding him that is was my birthday today and that he shouldn't forget. Too late, Gloria. He forgot. I knew, he knew. He had the decency to at least tell me that she had to remind him, when he called late this morning. I could go on but really why. After six years of marriage, Jason forgot my birthday. Not just today (obviously I will go on), but completely. There is no card or present. Just an apology and a resolve to do better. Oh, and him asking me what I want for my birthday. Right. That says it all.
*But I am not mad, not even hurt. He asked me last week if Reno's birthday was coming up so that tells me two things: One- he was thinking at least that something was going on soon, so I will give him two points for that. Two- Reno's birthday, November 21st, is Jason's birthday as well,so if you could in a round about way forget your own birthday, then I had no hope from the start. Really, I knew he was going to forget so instead of being mad, I just think what a good wife I am for never forgetting his birthday, Father's Day, etc.

Proof that I have a heart

My friend Tess had her first child on Tuesday. She was at church today, a mere five days after delivery, and I asked her how Laevry was doing at night. She then told me not good, and spoke about each night, as there have only been a few at home. It was very sweet and I started thinking about how when you first have a baby, each day is such an event. You mark time by diapers and feedings. Each night is its own entity. You compare how he did tonight with last night. Slept more, slept less, pooped at 2 am, didn't poop until morning. Then in RS when I asked if there was anyone who had had an uplifting experience this week, she naturally raised her hand and spoke of the fact that you cannot have a baby without acknowledging that there is a God. She spoke of the miracle that her baby is and what ready-made love she has for her. It was really awesome to see a new mother go through that revelation that can come only after you have your baby. And I was grateful to be able to remember exactly what she was talking about since Levis only 3 months old. And here is my epiphany: whether its your first or your fourth, its still miraculous and such powerful thing. I was very callous all through my pregnancy about how its my fourth and no big deal. I am pleasantly surprised that it is a big deal. A major deal. Still. And I am grateful for it all.
*This will be the only post of its kind as I am generally void of such inclinations to voice tenderness and love. This blog is not meant to be sappy. I was just touched today. I promise, it won't happen again.