Now that you mention it...

No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean Jingle Bells! You know, Santa Claus and Ho Ho Ho and mistletoe and presents for pretty girls

2010-11-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to add to my nearly eight months of silence but this...Christmas time, Christmas time, Christmas time is here. This is a little song my children are singing now. I'm not sure where its from, but they have it down. But I repeat their words here because is it not the best time ever? We are in an RV in Phoenix (think van down by the river) so I am unable to decorate yet, but I am counting the days until I am home with my tree and trimmings and what not. I have nothing positive to say about this trip to Phoenix as of yet because it is just cold enough here to make things not fun, and Jason has been working his tail off and is too tired to do anything when he gets home but sleep. And I don't have anything to drive because I am not registered to drive the RV because I couldn't provide my driver's license when he was renting it because my children misplaced it and I haven't replaced it because I am still holding out that it will turn up under something or tucked into some forgotten treasure chest. So we are relegated to spending our time with what the KOA has to offer, which isn't much but really grumpy snowbirds who left their grandchildren far away from this place and have little kindness left for some lady in a Cruise America RV (think white trash of the ritzy motor home world) and ten kids to boot. I added a few extra because to be honest when you see us with all our trappings and hear our noise it seems like there must be more. And Ava counts for three at least.

But next week holds lots of promise since his parents joined us in the next RV site over and will be around until Tuesday at least, which is an unexpected surprise because when they invited themselves to join us in Phoenix it was only for two days. They are really good about taking the children away from me and coming back hours later, which is fine with me. Like I said, lots of promise. And also like I said, counting the days until I am home again and focused on Christmas and its wonderfulness and such.

I have saved them the trouble of "accidentally" breaking the crayons

2010-03-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

I cleaned half of my living room, and then sat down to take a break to ease the stitch in my side that I feel should be blamed on the baby, rather than my less than exerting work-out routines. Then I saw the towels piled up under the table and remembered the chocolate milk that Ava let Levi spill at lunch and was motivated by a need not to smell the soured milk later (as if I don't do it now it could be a while). I moved the wet wash into the dryer- a load a day keeps my mother away:)- and found that it was polluted by bits of paper. Then bits of crayon. Finally, this was revealed. Who did this? Those children never put things in their pockets...and also I never check. So here we have a box of crayons confiscated from the church on Sunday laid to rest at the bottom of my washer. But the upside of all of this is that the kids now at least twenty minutes of coloring in an otherwise colorless world, as I was too busy cleaning to get out the water colors and we couldn't find the crayons. The downside is that I hear things hitting the side of the dryer, things that could very possibly be melting crayons. But you get what you get sometimes. Besides, the stitch is gone and I feel that the rest of the living room should be finished now.

*I feel that now is an appropriate time to let you all know that the RS President asked Ryann if there were health hazards in my home after she took a comment from me about my messy house out of context. If after reading this post you feel her concerns are valid, email me and I will give you her number.

I could use a little progress

2010-03-22T10:52:00.001-07:00

The other day I brought up an idea to a friend from church, really just in passing, that I had read in the New Era (side note: I really do not like the new Ensign format and am boycotting it until conference, or perhaps I feel the shame that I should for being so ridiculous. But really, it is awful now). The article I read was about different Relief Societies around the world working on their Young Women Personal Progress program together, as there are so many that have not completed it. I told Jamie that I think that its a cool idea, and she mentioned that she was doing it for Young Women's, as she is the President and thought it would help her relate well with her one young woman. Well as is my way, nothing was done about it...but I thought about it all the time. I finally decided to join her in the program. I asked her about it after her meeting with the Branch President, and found out that we are starting it in our Branch, for all the sisters to work on it. So I was really excited. Until I opened my copy, which happened to already be at my house, as I live with the Branch President and church mail is delivered there. I thought I would get a head start, since it will be talked about in Relief Society and I am in Primary and will miss the announcement.

And all this rambling and storytelling to come to my point. After looking through the manual for about ten minutes, I was shocked at how much time and effort that it will take to complete it. I am in awe of any girl who has actually completed the program...it is hard. And extensive. And time consuming. I had no idea. I am not as energized as I was twenty minutes ago, but I know that when I do complete it, I will have accomplished something extraordinary. You may think I am exaggerating, but get a copy. Check it out. Those young women have to work dang hard to earn those emblems and ribbons. So here is the deal. If you haven't earned it, start working on it. If you have, re-earn it. I assure you you will learn and grow, and progress. I will let you know how it goes.

I underestimate her sass

2010-03-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

I was rereading my journal last night and came across this memory that made me laugh. I wanted to share it. It is a conversation that Ava had with me and the would-be friend that called her on her play cell phone.

Ava to me: "I am talking to a boy."
Ava to boy on phone: "Boy, what are you doing?"
pause. . .
Ava to boy on phone: "Oh leave me alone."

I say good girl.

It's an uphill climb

2010-01-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

Anyone who thought that being Primary President would be a nice break (that was me, I guess) was seriously mistaken. Five times that amount of work, worry, and stress. With RS, its all about trying to motivate sisters to be more, do more-blah blah blah, enough already. With Primary--so much responsibility-its children, with no filters, no tolerance, and the wiggles to boot. They watch your every move, back talk every thing you say, are already bored, and take those pauses where you are trying to collect your thoughts as license to leave their seats for greener pastures. Not that its all bad, not at all. Just much more legwork. And before, I had Jason's help (he is now the Branch President, and his time is far spent-what little remains goes to the children). Now, I spend every evening cutting, laminating, thinking, planning, learning, etc. This is just new; I promise I'm not complaining. Every phase of life is like this though-right? Aren't you all out there just as busy and burdened? Let us remember Steve when he said, "We'll get up her." I think I can do that.

Cleanliness is overrated

2010-01-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

I put Reno in bath on Saturday. After I turned off the water he looked up at me and asked,
"Mama, do I have hip-hop today?"
"No."
"Well, do I have gymnastics?"
"Not today."
"Then what could be the reason that I have to take a bath?"
"Well, you have church tomorrow."
"Oh, yes. We have to bathe for church."

*His calculations are accurate; he really only bathes when he has to go somewhere. He used to be cleaner, but he has an aversion to bathing now. Two baths a week. Another unexpected consequence of homeschooling. Who'd have thought?

HELP WANTED

2009-11-15T20:08:00.000-08:00

We had a hamster named Dixie. She came home from Ryann's this summer after Ryann had been hamster-sitting, and she just wasn't the same animal. She had been tossed up so high by one strong, "yittle" boy that she hit the ceiling , but no-that wasn't it. After about a week I cleaned her cage (you're supposed to clean it twice a week, but I was neglectful, busy, uncaring, and unfeeling to name a few) and what a different rodent. She played! She exercised! She had a renewed interest in life. It was amazing. So why am I blogging about a depressed hamster in a dirty cage? I was just wondering if someone out there would come and clean my cage? Please.

*I feel that it is important to note that Dixie escaped from her cage and was never heard from again. She didn't want to live in the messy cage, or the messy house. I don't blame her...perhaps a bit of envy every now and then. I try not to dwell though--I mean, she is a hamster.

All I need to know I learned in Primary

2009-10-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would share an epiphany, that actually could be a Primary song hiding somewhere in the recesses of my mind: Kindness begins with me.
If I am kind to my children, they will be kind to each other and more importantly to me :).
Yes, I get that you already knew this, but I saw it in action today and I am hooked. Its gonna be different around here, I can promise you that.

Let us dispense with this useless endeavor

2009-10-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

I hear Effie's cries from her bedroom. I do not check. Its quiet time. She wasn't obeying...I don't care why she is hurt. Okay. Perhaps this is a bit too natural woman of me, but am I the only one who has no tolerance for shenanigans gone wrong during periods of disobedience? Her cries are now intermittent, still a plea for me to check on her so that she can gain sympathy where none exists. Feeling a bit softer, I will go.

I enter. She sees me, begins to sob, "I hurt myself." "I can see that you did" and I help her climb up into bed; I assume she slipped since I did not ask. She shows me her leg, which I kiss, though see no evidence of injury. I ask her to rest until its time to take Ava to ballet. All is well. All is quiet. For now.

I hear her wind chimes. She bought them at the Maritime Museum in San Diego this summer as a Father's Day present for Jason. Then insisted they hang in her room, next to her top-bunk bed. Perhaps we will have no quiet time after all. Again.

I insist upon this ritual- one hour of quiet time every day. My anger grows as I seek to enforce my will upon them. It would be easier to let them watch a movie every afternoon; more would actually fall asleep, more would be quiet. Why do I bother? Upon examination I am not sure. Will reevaluate and determine why I feel I need this time away from them, besides the fact that I feel I need some time away from them.

The quiet time cd just ended. It is actually quiet; two out of four asleep. Unfortunately, quiet time is over and I need to get everyone ready for a trip to town and for Ava to go to ballet. Like I said, perhaps time to reevaluate and redirect my efforts.

I can't help thinkin this is how it ought to be

2009-09-15T07:57:00.001-07:00

Effie informed me a few days ago that she is still Taylor Swift. I asked her why she told she wasn't and in a round about way she told me that she needed exactly two days of not being TaylorSwift so that she could continue being TaylorSwift. This is the same logic she was using when a minute ago I told her that she is cute and she told me no she isn't, she is a human. She then recognized that one could be both, however she is not. That's a four year old for you. Sorry for the false alarm.

The reason for the teardrops on my guitar

2009-09-08T03:27:00.000-07:00

Effie announced yesterday that she is "not Taylor Swift anymore." Without rhyme or reason. I am quite at a loss as to where this will take us. Some background for those who aren't in the know, she loves TaylorSwift, wears her hair like TaylorSwift, dresses like TaylorSwift (the repetitive nature of the name is taken from real life), sings all of TaylorSwift's song, preforms concerts as TaylorSwift, has been to a TaylorSwift concert with her daddy (hurray for scalpers), and actually looks like TaylorSwift. And note the one word-TaylorSwift- this is how Effie says it every time, usually accompanied with a twang, a shake of the hair (learned at the concert, where Effie discovered that "TaylorSwift is in this world!!!" ), and a twist of the bottom. Very sassy indeed.

She has been a little tired lately, which might explain this sudden disinterest. However, if this is a real break-up, I am a bit staggered by the blow. I wait to see where we will be lead by this little girl in search of something new. Jason and I will miss our TaylorSwift, and he will miss Taylor Swift I am sure, as his devotion was comparable to Effie's. It started with "Our Song" has ended with "You Belong With Me" and has encompassed every song in between-thanks Miss Swift, for a few great years and wonderful memories. I really thought it would last.

And when you find everything you looked for

I hope your life leads you back to my door

Oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful

T.S.

I can't change who I am-but should we discuss it?

2009-08-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

I am somewhat reticent concerning my familial matters when it comes to those outside the trust tree, as it were. So I am therefore hesitant to attend my ten year reunion which is taking place homecoming weekend. I live in the same town with many friends from HS, and abstain from furthering relationships with these individuals, as the differences in our lifestyles have become so great. It was the fourth child. Then the homeschool. No one can relate in that set. The nodding of the head when I answer 'Are you finished having children?' with 'No, not at all' coupled with the glazed look, then disgust when I follow up with 'No he isn't in kindergarten, he's homeschooled.' can be too much at times. And going, I feel would be subjecting myself to this deluge without a friendly or sympathetic face in sight. Unless Jason goes too, but really what fun would he have? We are talking small town kids here and these people are only biding their time until its late enough to get plastered-God love em. I sound a bit negative, however I will say that individually I love, or at least really like, these HS friends, and can dialogue about my life easily one on one. I just think I would freeze or worse-if my lifestyle became in any way a focus for discussion. I wonder if gay people have an easier time coming out. That is what I will be doing, if I go. I will come out as a mother of a large family, homeschooler, and Mormon to boot-they all know that but the reminder will add to my kookiness I'm sure. So I guess what I am saying, is that I am not sure I am ready to come out. But then again I am not ashamed. So where does that leave me. Comments appreciated.

This month is such a special one, its...time to learn how to program Jason's phone

2009-08-13T15:05:00.001-07:00

My husband has a Blackberry. Purchased because for his line of work, you just cannot carry around a planner- job sites and what-not. It was a necessity. He would have his schedule, phone, Internet---all right there. Had to have it. So now this is a man who has projects scheduled weeks in advance-he's the annoying guy that calls to remind you a few days before, and then again when he is on the way to make sure its all going according to the plans. This is the man who forgot my birthday. He got a phone call from his mother-I will let you read between the lines and try not to go off on the fact that for her to let her son fail is beyond her capacity and as you can see I have some really deep issues about the whole thing-see I said I wouldn't digress so back on task---reminding him that is was my birthday today and that he shouldn't forget. Too late, Gloria. He forgot. I knew, he knew. He had the decency to at least tell me that she had to remind him, when he called late this morning. I could go on but really why. After six years of marriage, Jason forgot my birthday. Not just today (obviously I will go on), but completely. There is no card or present. Just an apology and a resolve to do better. Oh, and him asking me what I want for my birthday. Right. That says it all.
*But I am not mad, not even hurt. He asked me last week if Reno's birthday was coming up so that tells me two things: One- he was thinking at least that something was going on soon, so I will give him two points for that. Two- Reno's birthday, November 21st, is Jason's birthday as well,so if you could in a round about way forget your own birthday, then I had no hope from the start. Really, I knew he was going to forget so instead of being mad, I just think what a good wife I am for never forgetting his birthday, Father's Day, etc.

Proof that I have a heart

2009-08-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Tess had her first child on Tuesday. She was at church today, a mere five days after delivery, and I asked her how Laevry was doing at night. She then told me not good, and spoke about each night, as there have only been a few at home. It was very sweet and I started thinking about how when you first have a baby, each day is such an event. You mark time by diapers and feedings. Each night is its own entity. You compare how he did tonight with last night. Slept more, slept less, pooped at 2 am, didn't poop until morning. Then in RS when I asked if there was anyone who had had an uplifting experience this week, she naturally raised her hand and spoke of the fact that you cannot have a baby without acknowledging that there is a God. She spoke of the miracle that her baby is and what ready-made love she has for her. It was really awesome to see a new mother go through that revelation that can come only after you have your baby. And I was grateful to be able to remember exactly what she was talking about since Levis only 3 months old. And here is my epiphany: whether its your first or your fourth, its still miraculous and such powerful thing. I was very callous all through my pregnancy about how its my fourth and no big deal. I am pleasantly surprised that it is a big deal. A major deal. Still. And I am grateful for it all.
*This will be the only post of its kind as I am generally void of such inclinations to voice tenderness and love. This blog is not meant to be sappy. I was just touched today. I promise, it won't happen again.

James Brown is the only soul man I know

2009-08-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

For those who are waiting to find out if Jason grew a soul patch in an effort to endear himself to me ... ... ... he did not. I asked him moments ago what happened to his promise. Blank stare. Finally, "I forgot." There you have it.

Welcome to the Schroeder's (clothing optional)

2009-08-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

A naked story
Once there was a couple doing their finances in the living room while checking out the window on their oldest three children who were playing with the hose on the trampoline. In their underwear. All is well, as it is summertime in Texas and skivvies are the attire of most people on most days. Or maybe that's just us. Like I said, all was well. Then the mother noticed the plumbers had arrived to fix the toilet that had backed up into the tub, unexpectedly- the tub toys could not be salvaged, thanks for checking. She cringed as she remembered the cabinets that her husband had ripped off the laundry room wall the day before, also unexpectedly, were laying in ruins in the grass next to the front steps. And also the camping gear from last week's trip was stacked haphazardly on the picnic table. She felt a bit like those people who live with filth all around them, you know the ones whose homes actually look like they are abandoned and then you see the owners still in their nightclothes and wonder what they think as they walk past that stuff every day for years and years-I digress-- and was hesitant to actually face the plumbers. Then she opened the door. Oh good. Effie and Ava were already on the front porch to greet them. Nakedly. Jimas and all. Then the mother felt a bit worse than those people she was thinking about only moments before, because at least they all had their clothes on. The end.

Actually there is no end to this story, because tomorrow it will be the mail lady, or the UPS man. And now that I recollect, the Schwann's guy has seen them all in various states of undress. There is something to be said for parents who can keep clothing on their children.

We can't get no satisfaction

2009-08-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Reno, who has been in bed for over an hour, just told Jason that the reason he needed another snack was that he had been fasting all day. Not so much little man. But do you think there are people out there who want their kids to fast? I sure hope not. Another question. Does fasting still count when it is followed by gluttony? And really, how many Oreos are too many? Perhaps just leave your answers to yourself. Thanks.

Pardon my rant

2009-07-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

All right. So I got all set to surprise Jason and Effie with Taylor Swift concert tickets- its a daddy/daughter thing, and the cheapest seats in Dallas are $130 each, all the way up to $1175. I have to say that I have a renewed respect for Miss Swift if people are paying that much to see the show. Needless to say, my money will be spent elsewhere, but am disappointed nonetheless. Which brings me to another point. I really don't understand much about socialism in action, but will shortly I suppose, and was wondering if under our new president's rule should we somehow be entitled to see concerts, sporting events, ballets, etc. at a sliding pay scale rate? Or perhaps with certain welfare-type concerts for those of us who can't afford tickets but are entitled as Americans to go? No? Perhaps I am off the deep end, but if they are going to take radio away from us, and everything else is going socialized, and if music will be too, someday in the future, I just wish it would be now so they could see her. Like I've said before though, down with the man.

*Also, green hair pic did not show enough green to make it worth the effort it takes to load it on the page.

Enough is too much

2009-06-23T20:49:00.001-07:00

This is in reference to the pool. We have been in hotels 10 of the past 17 nights. That means that the majority of those days we were stuck in the hotel and therefore in the pool. I am not exaggerating, Effie's hair is green. I will post a picture tomorrow when I can get one with the sun on it. This life has its pros and cons, which I won't bore you with except this one. Picture bedtime. Levi's fussing so we can't turn the lights off and bed down ourselves, even though we are exhausted. So with a lamp on we read our scriptures, write in our journals, yell at them once again to lay down, stop playing, get your foot off your sister, and so forth and so forth and so forth. The primary program cd on repeat does nothing to induce sleepiness, or the spirit for those of us trying and failing to concentrate on Mormon's words. Seriously, I can remember nothing from what I have read lately. Also, Reno just said "We have a head-egg from that music." Me too little man. Jason has just asked me to go over there and beat them. Although in all reality, we battle this sort of bedtime insubordination no matter where we are, it just makes it harder to ignore when they are ten feet away.
This just happened. Reno started oinking. I started snickering to myself as Jason stood up "looking for his belt." Effie recognizes what he is doing and belts out "Everyone, hide your butts." An hour after we started this and there is no end in sight. I repeat, enough is too much.
**No Schroeder's were injured in the making of this blog.**

If you ever plan to motor west...

2009-06-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

Home sweet home here in Tucumcari, New Mexico! Yes, this is night three in our by now quite soiled hotel room. We twice have opted not to have housekeeping services, only towels, thinking that in a few hours we would be free. Twice that was a mistake-- I will not describe things in detail, only trust that clean white sheets are no match for nacho cheese Doritos, chocolate, and Ava. The kids are happy, with an average of three swims a day, coupled with lots of t.v. and fast food. The repair man--we broke down here in the parking lot of McDonald's and the Holiday Inn Express, and a few other hotels, restaurants, and gas stations Sunday night on our trip to San Diego for those not up to speed-- ordered the wrong part yesterday, discovered it this afternoon, and will have a new part tomorrow, we hope. But we are in high spirits and look forward to tomorrow's events with great anticipation. Until then, listen to John and think of us. All hail the Mother Road.

We are tired of the pirate look.

2009-05-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

Who is this kid? Seriously though. Three more months of this, and then glasses, and then perhaps surgery. No end in sight.

School's out for-ever!!

2009-05-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

Life after number four? I don't know yet because we haven't had an opportunity to have a normal schedule with my mom helping, and now his parents visiting. This I will say: thus far, its a nightmare, or at least a dream I'd like to wake up from. He has colic, and each day brings a change in his patterns. He is totally unpredictable. I have welcomed fatigue back into my life, a lost friend. I thought I was tired when I was pregnant, but having a newborn takes it to a new level--the bonus round perhaps. Once our visitors leave, we will resume our lives, however we will start our new unschooling program. This is exciting because it means learning while living, not so much me teaching lessons and lecturing and pressuring and then eventually me being frustrated and losing it, as has been witnessed in past homeschool attempts. So an all new approach. A new start. I have high hopes. I am also grateful to live in a state that will not regulate our efforts. Down with the man. Wish us luck.

A curse on Eve... I shoulda thought this through

2009-04-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am usually pretty tough. Seriously. But this pregnancy has knocked my down. I constantly hurt, and complain-see Jason for validation of this- and am just generally miserable. I tried to talk my doctor into taking the baby early, but he refused because he is cruel, although he did say something about the health of the baby but I am sure that is a plot to further torture me. And also, my hips feel like... well its indescribable really. Plus, sweating at night? That is just gross, but its happening. Not to mention all the unmentionables--they are even worse. Please remind me of all these complaints in six or seven months when we are ready to have another go at parenthood. Really. I will have forgotten this personal hell. Obviously or I would not be here now.

All dogs go to heaven... and some through hell

2009-04-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

Will it ever end for Fritz? Being given away twice, losing two wives, attacked by a bobcat, and now this? Thursday night he was bitten by a snake, and though the vet assured us it wasn't a rattlesnake, it was poisonous and he is at present fighting for his life. Perhaps it will end for Fritz. Very disturbed at the whole situation. How am I to let the kids play outside with venomous snakes on the loose? And especially with a dog that is really not a fighter in the first place, not to mention recently wounded. If he makes it to begin with. Not that I am being callous about his survival; I am just trying to be realistic as he is taking shallow breaths and lethargy is setting in. So I will leave off with a prayer in my heart for a little dog who has been a wonderful friend for our family.

Side note: These are copperheads, another venomous snake native to our area. May or may not have been Fritzy Boy's foe, but we tend to think so. Also, the vet said it was a baby snake that bit him. How reassuring is that?

I'm quite certain you missed me

2009-01-29T15:09:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I should give this up. However, now that I have a computer, albeit at Jason's office, it is permanent so I have no excuse for another hiatus. I unfortunately have no news to report. Homeschooling is going about like I thought, or just a bit worse. I have yet to settle on an approach in our efforts, but am very interested in the Montessori and unschooling methods. Montessori schools discourage the computer though, and as that is Reno's favorite part of the day, we will not likely be die-hard. But then was I ever? About anything, besides perhaps dessert? And another thing. I am about done with winter. Thats all. Nothing grand.

Do not eat the stew. You have been warned.

2008-12-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have enjoyed my hiatus. I have had to choose between sleep and blogging, and have really enjoyed getting to bed at about 9:30 the past few weeks. All is well with us. We had a rat in the house. A real one. I bought, baited, and set the trap myself. I then twenty minutes later placed the still twitching creature into a freezer bag and put it in the freezer--my kids were already asleep and I had also promised Jacob he could see it. It still resides there, causing my stomach to turn over every time I open the freezer, which is quite often since I have given up cooking in favor of taking it easy. One can never have enough Bagel Bites, I say. Besides Rat, we are anticipating a great Christmas. We wish yours Merry as well, since I can assume I will neglect this little chore for some time more.

A due date is a wonderful thing

2008-10-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor this week and the idea of being pregnant was solidified by the ultrasound, not only giving me a due date but a picture of the little creature. I say creature as at this age, they are really quite grotesque in the black and white grainy shots transmitted through the blue jelly and layers that separate us. Really quite haunting, but what a mover. Constantly wiggling-and I really had no idea that they moved much yet. Regardless, I am due on May 12th, with a promise of induction a week to ten days early. So this pregnancy is valid now. To me anyway.
We are trying to leave for Phoenix on Saturday, however, if we do that our children will not be able to go trick or treating. See, in a small Texas town, when Halloween is on Friday, they move it to Saturday so that everyone can still go see the Friday night lights. So, if we leave we will miss it. We are in a bit of a conundrum. But that will solve itself in time and the children will not go without, that is a promise.

Between Tink and Tumbling, we are kept busy

2008-10-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

So Ava started Tumbling today, after two weeks of hype and missed classes. She enjoyed it immenseley. Especially the marshmallow rewards and sucker at the end. The teachers told me she did wonderful. Well who wouldn't when there is candy involved? Regardless, she did have fun and came away from class very excited.

Another interesting development is Tink. A little brown, tick indfested chihuahua we adopted from the Seymour pound two days ago, whose collar says Tinker. She is cute, however already corrupted by Fritz. See Fritz leaves our house for Ryann's as soon as my tires clear the drivaway. I have to go get him or call him home when I return from wherever I have gone. Well Tink now leaves too. Although, not as hardy, twice she has given up on the journey to Ryann's and ended up at the neighbor's. Either that or she doesn't like us. Time will reveal her true nature. Or the bobcat will get her. We shall see.

I am pregnant...again

2008-10-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

I will try to muster some enthusiasm and pep as I redo the announcement of this pregnancy. I am pregnant with my fourth child; the child that ushers in a new time of my life. I struggled with the decision to have another for months, as many of you knew, and I finally relented at the insistence of my Heavenly Father-who else, right? But even now I am reticent about sharing my true self. Simply because I would hate for Rory or Levi to think themselves unwanted, which is not the case...and yet. No, I do want more. I just wanted my happy little family too. Now I feel like four has opened the floodgate for five, seven, even ten. Why not, I have the time. So, the resignation to be the mom of many has been a slow one. But I am there.
So to keep you in the loop. I am ill. Some days, very. Morning sickness constantly. There is also the fact that I cannot sleep and walk around exhausted. But other than that, all is well. All is well.

You didn't miss much

2008-09-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am back from a blogging hiatus--you missed nothing. Reno and Effie are in pre-school and gymnastics, Effie is in ballet, and Ava is fine. Although to not leave her out entirely, she did throw up last night. All is well today though. I am still battling morning sickness, but I think that it is on its way out. Really, in all this time I have not a thing to report. I am going to spend the majority of next week in Dallas with Jason, and perhaps while I am there something of interest will come to me and therefore you.

I don't know what "Thats what she said" means

2008-08-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

Generally, I appreciate not having a tv. I have been without basic tv channels for over two years and without a tv (dvd and vcr) in our home for about three months. But I regret missing the Olympics, apart from some diving and women's beach volleyball very early on. I actually don't even know the results of most events. But more that the Olympics, I am so out of the loop when it comes to the Office that I can't even tell you the basic story lines. I missed the entire season last year. The last one I watched was when that annoying guy sang, "Take a Chance on Me" and now he is proposing? Being a mother is like having blinders on in so many ways. To end on a less negative note, I can always watch the Office on DVD; I can't get back the time with my kids, can't just record it and watch it someday to catch up. Plus, who would want to see some of these "precious" moments with your children again? So much for that negative note.

I'm not sure this is normal behavior

2008-08-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

(the following were taken from real phone conversations between Ryann and myself)

R: Chicken from Wal-Mart, still in the bag, thawed out for two days in the fridge. What do you think?
K: Does it smell ok?
R: Yes.
K: Go for it.

K: Yogurt, expired three days ago, unopened? Still good?
R: Definitely. I have eaten it a week after it has expired.

K: Chicken, unopened, three days 'til it goes bad, but it smells really weird. Do you think its bad or just the packaging picked up some funky odors?
R: Toss it. No doubt about it. Why risk it?

This dialogue could go on and on. It seems that every week, one of us is calling the other with some question about the healthfulness of food that deep down we understand is unsafe. Sausage, roast, eggs, hamburger meat- nothing is exempt. Why do we push the issue? On one hand, we realize that those that label food have to be extra precautious concerning the general masses of Americans purchasing food. I mean, they have reason to worry. Tomato farmers are fixing to sue the powers that be over that salmonella scare earlier this summer. So I feel that sometimes, the dates are guidelines that will keep us safe if followed, but its a proceed at your own risk if they are disregarded.
For Ryann and I, I really think that not respecting the food authorities is not the issue at all. I think that we--I will proceed on my own from here on out-- I think that I am just really lazy and procrastinate too much. I procrastinate cooking the meals I planned until they are of a questionable smell, color, expiration date. Then laziness takes over and I refuse to go to the store to remedy my situation, choosing a possible food-borne illness to venturing out into the world in search of safe meals. I also want to point out that this has nothing to do with me being frugal and not wanting to waste food. I am actually fine to throw out 3 unopened containers of cottage cheese that expired before the fourth of July, and not think twice about the cost.
So the sum of it all is that I will feed my family food that is of questionable nutritional value and associated with potential health risks. Normal? Not sure. But that uncertainty is not enough to make me more label conscious, or un-lazy.

This is it for me

2008-08-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

So the point of this endeavor (blogging) was to unearth my pre-mama self and give her a voice. I now realize, as I am sure you did weeks ago, she doesn't exist. Far too much of my personality, habits, likes, and dislikes have changed since Reno was born. And I honestly say that with no remorse. I am happy. That was not always the case.
So from now on, this will strictly be (what it has always been to you) me rambling-sometimes cleverly- about my life as I now see it. Feel free to navigate away from this site.

She loves me, she loves me not

2008-08-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

So back to that whole baby thing. I am over it-not that I was ever really that excited about it in the first place. I am pretty neutral about the addition or lack thereof. Is this sounding harsh? I am not trying to, its just that Jason really wants more, and I am fine to not.
Enough about that, but I think that it is indicative of my personality. I find that I am discovering that I am not really that committed to much. I tend to start lots of things and drop them almost immediately. And unfortunately in my fury of excitement and insistence that I have the latest object of my obsession, I waste lots of time, effort, and especially money. To name a few: the piano, clarinet, and fiddle (and I will not classify my guitar as such, for the simple fact that I feel like any moment now I might unlock that hidden talent), scrap booking, having Heidi be an inside dog, having dogs in general, having Fritz be an inside dog, my garden. These things have ended up collecting dust, or dead (the garden, fruit trees in the backyard, and Heidi --and to be honest, I wouldn't lose much sleep if the bobcat struck again and snagged Fritz as well-slightly kidding). Anyway. At least there are some things that stick-like my family, religion and all that goes with it, sewing and baking. If you didn't make the list, that may be a bad sign.

2008-08-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

The mouse and the snake were returned to nature unharmed, much to my chagrin.

I beguiled on account of the serpent

2008-08-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

A little family drama unfolded last night when Jason announced there was a snake in the cupboard and retrieved my shotgun from the bedroom. To keep the peace I all out lied to Reno and said that daddy was mistaken and sent him to bed. After Reno was asleep and we searched each cupboard, he was found on top of the cupboards, about an 8 foot climb in all. We mistook him for a rattler, but quickly realized that he wasn't rattling and that it was a bull snake (not venomous). So we called for braver reinforcements and Travis and Tuey came to our aid. Travis got him down to the counter and Tuey--so brave-- grabbed him with kitchen tongs at one end and fencing pliers on the other. We put him in a bin and closed the lid. We planned to let him out down the road so he wouldn't find his way back into the house. And there is also the matter of snake proofing our home... how does one go about doing that little chore?

Well, I told Reno the truth today and the kids were fascinated with him-still in the bin and yeah he is ok. So I go to my bathroom to change my clothes (we had been to the temple all day) and there is a mouse on the bathroom counter. He climbs into a vase of flowers, which was his home it turns out, and you guessed it. We decided to bring a little Discovery Channel home to enjoy and gave him to the snake. No action yet, but we are hopeful. Regardless of life or death, we will return them both to nature tomorrow after church.

And as for the lie, he forgave me in his excitement over the reptile and I vow to be honest with my kids from here on out. In my defense, we had to get up at three this morning and I knew if he knew there was a snake in the house last night he would have ended up in my bed. But like I said. No excuses. From now on, honest with my fellow man and all that jazz.

I cannot control my children...and perhaps will not

2008-07-26T19:07:00.001-07:00

This may not come as a surprise to anyone, other than myself... and actually I had an inkling. Last night, coming home from Miller Creek we saw some wild turkeys and Reno and I decided they were running from us so they wouldn't end up in our turkey sandwiches. Effie digested this information and promptly announced she would not eat any more animals. I didn't take it too seriously, and she didn't either as she inhaled her chicken nuggets at lunch today, but the seed was planted and I am a little worried that when she realizes that it actually came from an animal we will have a revolution. Bring it on, little girl.
Back to me, and my lack of control on the little people I created. Reno drew a whale and some people riding on his back (his interpretation of Surf's Up) on the wall at his daddy's office today and Ava threw a tantrum and went to bed without finishing her banana (and could therefore not have the chocolate chip cookies she was really after). In contemplation I understand that my job is not to control who they are and what they become, however it is becoming more clear that each day's events shape their personalities and outcomes. So my job is to what? Let her be a vegetarian? Not likely(I am kidding, but I will do my best to persuade her). I go forth from this moment with a new resolve to provide a creative outlet for that little artist as well. As for the fruit before sweets rule, I cannot budge. Its for your own good Ava.

I am stressed...according to Dr. H

2008-07-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so that rumor turned out to be only that-unless my doctor is wrong too. So we will table that idea, and chalk it all up to stress, which is the best suggestion he can offer. I also wonder why they go to school at all, with all we don't know why this happens, or how it happens, or this is common in children this age (referring to Effie now). Same with when you actually are pregnant, and you get a funny rash or a pain in an odd body part, the answer is the same--"sometimes when a woman is pregnant, these things happen," so now the baby can be blamed for a doctor not being able to properly diagnose your symptoms. But as soon as you have the baby, those same symptoms (headaches, in this particular example) are easily explained and cured. Perhaps the reason is that a pregnant women can take almost no medication beyond Tylenol and it is therefore easy to just have the mother grin and bear it since it isn't life threatening.
To close this little rant, I will say that I am actually grateful for doctors and all their expertise. I just get a little tired of Reno's doctor asking me if he has asthma or not, cuz isn't that his job? Anyway, and as for the thing that is not to be, it will be soon enough so just hold that thought for a month or two.

There may be something there that wasn't there before

2008-07-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

We are in our second and final week of Dance Camp; this week is the Nutcracker, sort of a Christmas in July kind of a deal. I will actually be glad when we can just start the normal dance schedule in September. Two in preschool, one in ballet, and one in gymnastics (if he has his way, as dance is for girls, but he would like to do gymnastics)-we will be like a normal family, with places to go and schedules to keep-note that I said like, because we will never be normal. It will be interesting to say the least.

And on another note-there is the little something that is not quite real yet but real enough to cast a shadow over every space it touches. I try to spring clean (I know it is summer, but we who have small children are given leeway concerning actual seasons, and cleaning itself for that matter) and waver between storing things that will one day belong to a little something and keeping them out. I want to eat (its more than that really), but a little something keeps rejecting my ideas in favor of cookie dough and pizza--anything that doesn't actually have to been cooked as the effort becomes too much for the both of us. I want to sleep or need to be up, and there is always a little something throwing off my schedule. Then again, this is all just an unconfirmed rumor, but the thought of another little something has turned my world around... not an unwelcome turn mind you. Until then, I will live in the shadows it casts, and pick out names (Levi, Tate, Reid, Livy, or Rory perhaps).

It begins

2008-07-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

Effie stepped into a new world this week as she became a ballerina princess in her "Be a Princess" dance camp. It was five days of ballet slippers, leotards, and slicked back ponytails and buns, pulled tight by a frustrated and perhaps slightly sweaty mom who just wanted her daughter's baby-fine and stick straight hair to look perfect. I easily ignored her tears and pleading that I was hurting her. Which brings me to my point. It has begun. For me, not so much her. I can already see her at fifteen, in her pointe shoes, bitter and emaciated (bulimia or anorexia?), hating me and ballet. Not that I want this or the eating disorder, which I do take seriously (not a problem for us at this point though). But will I be the mother who pushes her daughter? I only ask because I really want her excel. I want to see her in pointe shoes and defying gravity. Not to the point that I would force her, but I just honestly think that ballet is so amazing and can see myself walking a fine line. I guess its good for me that she loves to do it, and by the time she is done with it, I will be happily able to obsess about her playing softball or barrel racing, or cheer leading, or maybe something cool I don't even know about. Anyway, I will keep control of my emotions and projecting and vicarious living. But she cannot escape the tight ponytails. On that issue I will not budge--also it is a requirement of the studio, so I have principle on my side (this time!).

We are a happy fam-i-ly

2008-07-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

Adding pictures to my site is more complex than I expected, so for now, I will leave this picture of our family in the post and will work on a more permanent solution another time.

This is an order...

2008-07-03T18:48:00.001-07:00

Since tomorrow is the Fourth of July, listen to the song on my playlist. You will get to hear a great song and I will pretend that you all know who he his and love him.

There is no justice (at least for now)

2008-07-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

So Reno fears tornadoes and I was thinkin that I could help him by showing him what they looked like, because up until now its only a word that means terror. So we start looking at the YouTube videos of tornadoes and what pops up during a video? Wait for it... yeah you guessed. A picture of a clown with sharpened teeth so frightening that I almost started shrieking--I know it was Pennywise and that just opens up a whole bunch of locked doors in my mind. Controlling my own fear, I grabbed his head and forced him not to look as I removed the picture. About that time he starts screaming and crying thinking I have scared him on purpose. So one, there is no justice in that I was truly trying to allay the fear that Jason unwittingly created and have now caused a terror for Reno, that is in my mind a whole lot more valid than an act of nature. That which is unnatural always did pose a greater threat to my fragile psyche. I mean come on, I still have rules for my monsters. And two, there is no justice in this world for the *!#%$&^ who put that right in the middle of that tornado footage. You cannot fathom the depth of my anger at the fact that he has fear because someone else decided to scare him. But I have learned a lesson. At least it wasn't something sexual because that would have bothered me more. But still.

A few notes...

2008-07-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Linds, I love you too and does your mom know what you are up to on the internet little girl? Yes, well good then. Tell Seth and Tuey lol. Also, that I ate about four brownies yesterday. Seth will understand, Tuey I am certain will not.
And to Auntie, when I first looked up Singin in the Rain on the playlist site I was upset to see Sinatra and almost passed it by cuz I was annoyed to think that he had covered it--I like him but some things should be left alone. But I gave it a listen and was satisfied with what I heard. I ignore the mis-credit. And to Big Tymers- I am not sure about the Gilligan's Island part, but its a song Chick and I loved when we were big timers in California and brings back a few memories. I am not sure what memories I would conjure up if I heard the Gilligan's Island song, but it can't be good. My childhood, summertime, mother, sibling rivalry, and of course the Skipper...I don't like the direction this has taken. So I will stick to my little thug song. And also, I echo others when I say that I am not content reading your comments. I would like to read your blog so get to it.

I will think twice before insulting my spouse

2008-06-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

I told Jason what I wrote about him being a pansy and that I felt bad about saying it, and he said it wasn't a big deal. However, I have guilt. So to purge that feeling, I will tell you five things that I love about him and his very manly ways.
1. The man can finish concrete. If you have never seen this done by a professional, it takes a lot of strength and let me tell you...never mind, I'll tell him. Let me just say its a pretty sexy feat.
2. He is not afraid of heights. Is that not a big deal? I don't know; nearly every night I have a nightmare involving heights and they scare the crap outta me--please don't analyze my dreams, no Daniel wannabes opinion on why I fear heights.
3. He is best daddy to our children. Enough said.
4. He has no personal hobbies or plans--everything in his life includes his family.
5. He puts up with me, and furthermore, he loves me. You know me, that says it all.

I love you Jason.

72-hour kit, anyone?

2008-06-21T08:04:00.001-07:00

My husband is a pansy. For the reader's sake-hi honey-- I will clarify. He is a great provider and father, but he is a scared of nearly everything. If there is a noise outside, he checks on it while toting my shotgun. He will hardly go out to the truck to get things after dark, and if he has to he always asks me to go do it, if not then will I go with him, and then if not will I at least stand by the door and watch to make sure he is safe. Well his newest fear is the severe weather and the possibility it presents of tornadoes. Because this is his first season of actually living here nearly full time in three years, he is not taking it well. Twice we have had to flee our home because he deemed it unsafe. This hysteria, yes hysteria, has frightened my children to their core. I now pray with them several times a day that tornadoes won't get us, that storms will pass, that Heavenly Father won't let anything get us. If there are even dark clouds in the sky, I have to wipe the tears from Reno's face and promise him safety--is there such a thing anyway? Well I harbor a bit of resentment for his panic-induced introduction of this tangible fear of nature to my children. I really enjoy storms, but now brace myself for a night of terror each time I feel the wind change. I assure you not one single word in here is dramatized. I cannot wait until we have our tornado shelter installed, which should be in a few weeks. It will give them all a sense of security that for the kids has not come through prayer as easily as it has for Jason. When it is ready, I will move Jason and the kids down into it, and will watch each storm roll through in peace. Until then, I will continue to comfort those who stand in need of comfort.

Still, just the mama

2008-06-16T14:31:00.001-07:00

My inlaws have returned home after a week of visiting. For me this means a return to being needed and wanted, as when the grandparents are around I am for the most part invisible. It has been a little vacation within my own home, however I stil had to cook, clean, and all that...so it was actually not that great at all. But it was nice to see them and they helped with all the home repairs and painting, and they bought us a trampoline. So I will face my return to motherhood boldly, a return to the love and tenderness that accompanies these sacred duties. Especially since the kids are spending most of the time outside on the new trampoline, and I am inside cooking and cleaning and all that.

I am a girl

2008-06-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

I guess I do like pink. This admission is one that really kinda shakes me. I have this image of me that is all tomboy and no frills (as I type this I am wearing a shirt that says princess across the front…perhaps my self-delusional is deeper than even I expected). But t-shirt aside, I let Eff pick out the paint colors of her room—pink with pink and pink she said—and we settled on pink with purple and yellow. But now that its up on the wall, I really like it. This perhaps tells me that I have softened too much, now that I have two girls, one starting ballet very soon. But for that girlie-girl trapped inside me, the bedroom rocks. And the real me, I will just pretend its too much, while secretly admiring it.

Nothing to do?

2008-06-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

I waste a lot of time. Perhaps even this, in and of itself, is a waste of time. My husband thinks I am working on a RS Newsletter, but I gave it up. It was a waste of time because it is the middle of the month. I had no idea. My credit card bills had a suspicion, but they neglected to speak up. Does a $40 late fee for forgetting to pay them mean that I not only waste my time, but my husband's as well since his time actually is money? Perhaps, and that is another thing we will keep to ourselves. But to get back to that waste of time thing I started with, I would rather make a list of what to clean and organize that to actually do these tasks. I am discovered. Good bye.

A beginner's warning

2008-06-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

I will start a blog. I have so much to say and no audience--which is fine. I am happy just to put it out there. Its interesting that a journal and husband can leave me wanting for a further outlet for my musings, but that is just the way it is when you are knee deep in motherhood and self-discovery. And on this blog I make no promises about being concise, spelling words right, or even being coherent. This is my own. That is just about right.